On 16th December 9 years ago… I received a phone call from my mum. A phone call that I will never forget.
That day Dad had a big job in Salisbury … an Italian restaurant to fit out and Mum at the last moment decided to go with Dad to keep him company on the drive from their home in Kent to Salisbury.
It started as a normal day but life changed dramatically in the space of 10 minutes.
Dad was cutting wood with a jigsaw when he felt a little strange… it was like the vibrations of the jigsaw was still there even after he had stopped using it.
Mum thought maybe he was having a hypo because he is a diabetic and was doing a lot of physical arduous work.
Fortunately another workman who Dad did not know – requested the FAST assessment- to check for stroke.
Face symmetry
Arms raise
Speech impaired
Time ring 999
Dad could not raise his left arm. So a very speedy 999 call that the lifesaving workman recognised was needed got him to Salisbury hospital … in a CT scanner and on a ward within an hour.
The phone call from Mum sounded like how any mother would deliver devastating news-she tried to dampen down the severity of the situation and told me Dad had suffered a mini stroke.
In my nurses head I was thinking Transient ischaemic attack (TIA) something that would resolve over a few days.
But when I asked to speak with the nurse she had a duty of care to deliver the truth.
Dad had suffered a severe Haemorrhagic stroke.
I knew from working with stroke patients that Haemorrhagic strokes can be fatal, life threatening and definitely not a rapid resolution back to their previous state.
My immediate thought as I put the phone down to Mum was that I needed to get there to both of them … but the weather was bad, the night was drawing in… I had a 4 year old and an 8month and a husband who was away. I also was in shock and needed to think sensibly for the safety of my kids. So I decided to make the journey early the next day.
On my arrival to the hospital, I realised I had not allowed myself to conjure up any preconceived visions of how Dad may look.
But I believe the reality was worse than anything I could have imagined.
My Dad a strong man, our rock, so full of life was laying in a hospital gown lifeless, unable to move even a millimetre of his left side. He was unable to speak, unable to eat, unable to smile.
It was the first time I ever remember my Dad looking scared, scared of something he had no control over.
I spoke to the Doctor and he gave me a very truthful opinion on how my dad would fare on recovery.
He explained that the stroke my Dad had suffered was very severe but in the next sentence he gave me hope, he said “I have seen people suffer a much less severe stroke than your dad and never make improvements but I have also seen people who have suffered strokes as severe as your Dad walk on out of here”
What he said made me believe that there was hope for my Dad and I knew he would give it everything he had to work at getting better.
And that’s exactly what he did… over the space of 3 months whilst in hospital Dad had to relearn everything he had previously taken for granted.
How to swallow, how to maintain a sitting balance, how to keep his head up, how to move fingers, and how to hold things without the use of his left side.
All of these aspects of his new life required so much strength and determination but he knew he would make the change, he knew that there was no question as to how much he would persist in his attempts to change. He believed in himself, he believed in the love of his family to help him through it.
He was sad.. yes….
He was in shock … yes
At times he felt too tired to keep going.
At times he felt absolutely defeated.
He felt like he wanted the old him back.
But what he never did was give up.
He maintained resilient even when he had only an ounce of energy left.
Over time…. bit by bit…. Millimetre by millimetre the persistent attempts that he made moved him closer to his goal of getting to a point where he was safe to go home.
My Dads life will never go back to how it was pre stroke… he still has limited movements down his left side but he has learnt to adapt and adjust and the awesome twosome which is of course him and my mum have created a routine of military precision which totally works for them.
So when we all think that we can’t change our habits or our thoughts or our behaviours- please remember my Dad.
Our brains are so powerful and they can retrain and rewire in ways that may seem impossible…. But nothing is impossible… if we persist, repetitively perform and want to change we can.
Also with a little bit of Hope added into the mix we can truly be unstoppable.
Believe in yourself… take small steps and look forward…. always look forward.
Learn to accept and be thankful of the life you have and remember it’s always your choice to push a little harder if you want that goal ahead.
Change may feel scary at first but if the change is right for you … you will achieve it … just keep wanting, going and never give up trying.
Much love
- Vix