But the thing is, I have never been ashamed to hide my battles with anxiety and depression, or my traumas and struggles that I have faced and beat, so I don’t want to shut off now – because what if I could help someone by being as open and as honest as I can.

For a long while now I have complained of worsening migraines that leave me with a weakness down my left side. I have reduced sensation in my left hand and left leg and I sometimes feel that I’m listing to one side as I walk. Initially I felt this weakness at the onset of a migraine but for a long time now I have had this weakness consistently without a migraine also.

As some of you know – I went to see a neurologist on Thursday and although I still need an MRI scan to rule out structural damage – they are pretty certain I have whats called Functional Neurological Disorder.

Even as a Nurse I have never come across this disorder and it actually seems very misunderstood and many clinicians will frequently misdiagnose.

Basically it involves the software of the brain.

The hardware – the actual structure of the brain is fine – but the communication between neurons are disrupted or impaired. For example – there is no cause for my arm to feel numb – its just the signals telling my brain that I have sensation are impaired and therefore do not get through.

To be perfectly honest…I am in a whirlwind of emotions at the moment and I’m not sure exactly how I feel. One moment I cant stop crying, then I feel more determined then ever. Then I feel that I don’t have the energy to continue fighting and just want to rest and take time out. This then changes to a tangible love I have for myself and my family to keep going – no matter what.

Because there is not so much known about the causes of FND its hard to put in a contingency to prevent it from worsening.

Stress however plays a big role as a risk factor so this is something I will have to focus on. Which seems ironic as a Solution Focused Hypnotherapist who helps others reduce the stress in their life.

This has always been a problem for me ..I have never been able to prioritise myself. I love to be kind, caring and compassionate and I always feel the need to put others before me. Maybe almost 30 years in the caring profession as a Nurse has conditioned me to be like this, to disregard my needs in favour of others. But now as I have a bright torch light being shone at me and the tunnel of potential worsening symptoms ahead – I know that I cant keep putting others in front of me. My body is literally screaming at me to rest. Its time I put more effort into ME – because I do deserve it.

Its about time I sit in the sun, reading when there is a pile of washing to do and housework to be done.

Life is too short to worry about all the things you didn’t get done.

So a small request, please bear with me as I process this information and even though I may be a bit quiet at times, please be reassured that my compassion and kindness to you, my clients will never waver and when you are in the therapy room with me – you will have my full attention and commitment.  Outside of my working hours, however, I will be focusing on rest, recovery and joy. Things that are good for my soul.

“Project Me” begins –  as it should for you too. We deserve our own love, time and commitment to create, absorb and live a life full of happiness, purpose and adoration.

Lets show ourselves how we can be our own number 1 no matter how hard it gets – believe in you and create that life you desire and deserve.

Much love

Vix