Negatively forecasting the future was probably one of my greatest talents ….up until a few years ago.
You could say I was an A* student in this field …the best I could be …. and not because I wanted to be the best at it but it just seemed to come so naturally to me…… it was my automatic response to any situation.
I could be in an incredibly harmonious situation….like laying on a beach in the sun, drinking a Porn-star Martini with people I love and I would STILL generate images of negative “what ifs” and once I let one negative thought in, it would progress to a “what if avalanche” flooding my every brain space.
I used to miss out on so much because all the time I was worrying about what could happen, I missed the good bits.
I remember whilst travelling Australia I got the opportunity to board a ship in a croc infested river. The tour guide had plenty of meat on board and it was probably an event I was never ever going to do again once returning home to the UK. It was an opportunity that not many people will get…a full on Aussie experience!!!!… ….. But as I sat there ….I started to think about my contingency plans……my escape routes…..I remember my thoughts clearly, like they were yesterday ….my first thought …what if we run out of petrol? followed by ….what if the driver has a heart attack…..what if the crocs get the taste of meat and want more fresh meat ( aka us) ……by the time I had tried to make plans for every eventuality in my head …the boat trip was over and I was back on the river bank ( away from the crocs)….with my boyfriend at the time beaming and saying “Whoa that was amazing” !!! But I couldn’t really answer ….I had not been there…..not where he was …soaking up the experience …No, I was away in my brain, so called keeping myself safe !!!
Negative thinking and negatively forecasting the future is something that we were designed to do …its a survival mechanism….it is natural to do this, as our ancestors did for so many years. Without negative thinking and worst case scenarios we would not be here today.
The problem with today however we do not get those extreme threats that are short lived we get the small micro-doses of stress that build up and up and essentially fill up our stress buckets and these in fact are more debilitating than those short lived extreme ones that they managed in caveman times.
When our stress buckets are full…we are more likely to be fearful…apprehensive…vigilant and obsessive…and soon everything around us becomes a threat to our survival and we cannot engage with out intellectual brain to help us calm and think rationally and logically.
This is clearly what was a frequent occurrence in my life until…… I started to understand how the brain works and how its natural to think negatively in terms of a life threatening events but on a day to day basis….constantly thinking negatively just helps us to fill up our already full stress bucket, which then in turn encourages us to remain in that negative mindset, exacerbating fear and anxiety.
There is so much to say about being in the present, after all like its name sake its a gift !!! When living in the present we don’t dwell on the past and we don’t negatively think about the future…we live in the moment and if problems arise we all have the intellectual capacity to work out a solution required in that moment. Dwelling on the past doesn’t change what’s happened and negatively forecasting the future doesn’t ensure certainty … these unhelpful thought patterns only makes us worry more and this fills up our stress bucket.. increasing our negativity and anxiety.
So what have I learnt in recent years and how has it helped me?
To not so much resist negative thoughts, after all, if we tell ourselves not to think of a purple monkey …we already have .!!!! ..its more about accepting that you may feel concerned about a situation or event and say to yourself ….”This is completely natural, my survival mechanism is just trying to keep me safe ” but …its ok I am in control and I can solve any situation that arises”
Its also looking at the situation objectively ….what happens if it goes terribly wrong ??? but more importantly “what if it goes amazingly right ??
Our brains do not know the difference between imagination or reality so by negatively forecasting an event in the future, your brain will believe that it has happened in real time, even though its just a thought and if your stress response has been initiated from the negative forecasting…the next time a similar event occurs the same stress response will occur causing uncomfortable physical feelings of stress.
For instance today I had to attend the hospital for investigations….attending a hospital for me as a nurse of 25 years is not a concerning event but when its me on the other side in the hospital gown its hard not to feel slightly apprehensive. Feeling apprehensive is totally natural and its ok to accept this fact. What is not helpful however is what potentially could follow the apprehension in regard to thoughts about a negative future. What is there is something terribly wrong with me? What if I can never work again? What if I never see my kids grow up? What if I cant afford the mortgage? All these types of thoughts are not helpful and will definitely not change any of the outcomes other than increasing our anxiety. So what I did last night was imagined all the things I wanted to happened today at the hospital.
Whilst listening to relaxation music, I imagined that I drove to the hospital in plenty of time, car parking space was available, quick appointment and then home in time to take the kids out with their friends. I imagined the sun was shining and I was calm and relaxed throughout.
This morning in reality I woke up feeling calm…I drove to the hospital in plenty of time, found a perfect car parking space, I was taken into the appointment early within a minute of me getting there, the test was performed and I returned home in the sunshine, listening to my music on the drive home looking forward to seeing the kids and our friends.
I’m not going to pretend everything we imagine will come true but isn’t this option so much more exhilarating? If I had thought about all the worse case scenario options, I would have woken feeling stressed and anxious all because of these inaccurate fearful scenarios that were only a figment of my imagination.
So lets change it up….look at how you want the event to pan out and imagine that !!!
Anticipate excitement and happiness!!!
Look at the positive possibilities and see how this changes your mindset.
What if it goes well….? should always follow a what if it goes wrong?
We have the power to control our thoughts and to imagine what could happen in a positive way which will strengthen those positive pathways that reinforce our intellectual brain so we can most definitely think with logic and rationality rather than negativity and emotionality.
So lovely people pull on your positive pants and imagine your best life yet
Much love
Vix x xx